I know I am not alone, I am not the only one and is going to get better soon but honestly…it sucks to feel fat and you know there is nothing you can do about it! I guess you all felt in the same way after having your first baby. You need some time to get use to your new life and that includes your new body,or shall I say my new size after pregnancy? 🙁
My baby is now nearly 5 months old and the very stressing first three months are gone. She is healthy, she is developing fine, she is sleeping more and crying less so once in a while Mummy can have a piece of mind which can be, believe it or not, awkward. At the beginning I was so glad to have half an hour for myself that I did not know what to do. I wanted to read, I wanted to go for a walk, I needed to do some housework, I wanted to gossip on Facebook I wanted to read the blogs I started reading in the last months of my pregnancy, I wanted to try out all the new recipes I pined while breastfeeding, I wanted to call my friends, I wanted to be able to swim and have a glass of wine again, but the most important thing: I wanted with all my heart to lose some weight or at least to feel comfortable on my own skin again. Unfortunately I spent more time day dreaming than actually doing something so my frustration was increasing day by day and my belly was still the same. I needed to start doing something but I could not find the right “something”.
I had an emergency C-section and I am breastfeeding so doing exercise after the recovery was not very comfortable. On top of that I have no one who can keep an eye on my baby so it was very hard to go for an aerobic class. You might be thinking now: bla,bla, excuses! “If she would have wanted to do some exercise she could have done it at home”. You might be right but I was too depressed to feel like doing so. I was feeling frustrated because every time I started the stretching routine my milk flowed out of my breast (even right after feeding her) and I was too scared of the skin around my wound could rip-off -I know it does not work like that but I could not help thinking in that way -.
Ten weeks after delivery and under my doctor´s consent I started swimming again. I was very proud of myself because I was brave enough to go and get a new and bigger swim custom (3 sizes more than before being pregnant), got dressed and undressed in front all those fit women in the changing room and even more challenging… I was able to go out and swam in the same lanes that all these very sporty people where showing off their very good timings. I started training again and feeling the adrenalin rush that only sports can give you. My self confidence was coming back a I was even feeling lighter.
Unfortunately, nothing is forever and my dream of being back to the pool did not last for long, after 2 weeks I suffered from a painful mastitis and I was strongly advised to give up swimming until I finish breastfeeding. I was quite sad for a few weeks and full with mixed feelings. I was afraid of getting depressed so I decided to read more about women body after pregnancy and I found quite a few bloggers who write about the same frustration. Thanks to these reading I started feeling better, more comfortable with my own reflection in the mirror. Eventually I got fed up with feeling sorry for myself and started thinking about how lucky I am and how happy I could be if I only would stop thinking about how big I am right now. As a last and important step I decided to pack all my maternity clothes away and went on shopping for bigger (no maternity) trousers and celebrate my new shape, relax and enjoy the love of my baby and my husband.